Elmer Jacobi
However, I've lived in Michigan for over two decades and both of my children were born here, so I can appreciate the contributions the north has made to this process — chiefly, real coniferous trees and snow. Being a purist, I started my life up-north by immediately culling pine trees from my 14-acre property.
This entailed forcing the father of my children to — like Clark Griswold — cut down the prettiest one I hand-selected each season and dragging it into our home. The children and I had many moments of concern for the well-being of their father during this annual activity —which included limb loss and possible head trauma from the falling evergreen — as we stood in our puffer coats and gloves watching him execute my orders. And this is my point to you, reader — if you have a natural tree — invest in large decorations to fill inconsistencies. I must admit, now that we've moved from those acres and my baby daddy is no longer around, I have a fake tree in my living room.
